4-29-10 2

my eyes are open
but everything is black
instead of closing them I just lie on top of my sheets pretending to count the angels I wish were in my room with me
instead there are only ghosts
i imagine that your arm is behind the curve of my neck
and your hand on my cheek
your fingers running through my hair
but now my eyes are closing
and everything is white.
i’m listening for my heart to beat
but my chest is hollow
I am hollow and caving in
I am painting your body with rich adjectives and love
my dreams are falling flat and leaving me without air
i have been spending my nights sketching your hands on my walls
and your eyes on my ceiling
but no matter what I do
i have yet to see the moon
i splattered paint over every surface that I could see
until the world bled rainbows
and we were able to dive in and out of the clashing hues
angels swam with us
envious of the beauty that emitted from us when our hands touched

4-29-10

you kneel under that simple starry sky
for hours you point out every constellation and tell me their hidden messages
our hearts are rusty and they bleed gold
flower petals dry and burn in the grass
they are our lonely minds
we must escape these hallucinations
through your strokes on the piano keys
your music recites the song of loved skin
we will escape through my brush strokes on canvas
only angels can paint reality
i think of you
you are the silence between the rise and fall of my chest as I breathe
you tell me that the sun will always set
the moon will always rise to remind me that there is always tomorrow
silence is deafening and it holds secrets
sewn into your worn out lips
everything happened so fast
someone turned out the light switch and I was gone
afterwards even the stars appeared dead as they darted from the winter sky
you would trace words on my back
words you couldn’t speak
little broken messages you feared to say out loud
if I could create a world full of dreams
full of beautiful strings of words
i would
just you and me
because we are the only ones who truly believe in magic

4-25-10

waiting, always waiting for that someone to let her know where she should go
and what she should do
she keeps quiet, eyes open for days at a time
she is always whispering words to the diamond spotted sky
and she can’t see through the scars
she can’t see that she is already perfect
all of her dreams have already come true
in the fear of the night
the darkness between words
the silence between heartbeats
she has found her own dream land
where words will never be wasted
thoughts will always be spoken
in between the stardust falling from her eyes
she is every kind of beautiful

4-22-10

i want to tell you that i've been sleeping less, less, less than ever before, yet i find myself dreaming so much more. i've been waking up cold, so cold I cant move, can’t breathe, only think until my heart burns. I’m wrapped up in not enough sleep, ignoring reality and only listening to my dreams, I can’t wait any longer for autumn paint the world, paint the leaves, and the sky, while I fade out into gray. and as i continue to fall for you, i have to remember that i'm nothing like those red autumn leaves that i constantly find myself waiting for--no, i'm not that beautiful.

4-20-10

how long until i feel different?
you are so kind but also lost
you are mind dear
and i am yours
always
sometime soon we will fly through the clouds
so calm
so beautiful
we will overflow with life
with electricity
and with love
we will be okay
all i see are paper cranes
paper cranes singing words of love
today is the day for change
the day we will fly away
the day we will ride a paper crane into the sunset and through the stars
and we will rest
and wake up to a world of possibility
do you see what i see?
do you feel what i feel?
love, the future is so bright
so full of hope
please don't let me slip by
don't let me slip through your fingers
take me to where you are
take me to rolling green hills with full moons an star-filled skies
take me through your mind and into your soul
let me wake you up
let me wake up your soul
you have let it sleep for far too long
i can inject wonder and joy
beauty and pain into it
i can give you life
hold on dear
we will make it through this
you were torn
so scared to speak
so scared to live
i will wake you up
wake you up so you can start again

the flowers

4-17-10

exhaling silent breaths like stardust
which scatter through the darkness as shimmering lights
constellations fall from your mouth
as you speak the language of the stars
you are built of swirling clouds and comets
your hollow bones filled with the sun
you are a continuously growing universe
and that sort of perfection is endless

4-4-10

I find myself slipping in and out of consciousness, out of reality.
They sky spoke, it said it missed me, our visits are much to far apart these days.
I touched a star, my hand is burned, bright red and blistered, but now anything I touch becomes beautiful.
I watched her jump, she told me she wanted to fly, and she turned to show me flimsy paper mache wings strapped to her back with bright red ribbon. She took a step, smiled, sighed, and was gone, feathers trailing for miles behind her as she soared through the clouds.
He took my hand and kissed my forehead, he said he felt my pain and wiped away the tears, when I should have been wiping away his.
My brain escaped, I watched it fall to the cement, it turned to a projector and I watched my memories play in the clouds. The sky wept for me.
He was pushed to the ground, they beat him, kicked him until he couldn't move, his face bled, a puddle forming beneath his head. Glitter flowed from his eyes, turning into the sea. The salt burned his wounds and the waves pulled him under, he was gone.
The wind blew her hair, her eyes watered, her soul escaped, she was free...


but no one is ever really free, are they?

Jaguar

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