some sort of beautiful

bumble.bee

8-5-10

it’s your hands that i’m taking,
and we are caught in the moment
when paper lanterns burn anew and light up the night sky
and our hands are origami cranes reaching for the stars
begging to fly like those before us
and we have dream-catchers hanging delicately from our eyelashes
swaying in the breeze
momentarily resting on our shoulders
before we dive into the salty ocean
swimming until our lungs burst and flood the sea with stars
and our passion is burning
burning
fingers are gently searching for one another painting the sea with love
and they are looking for home
pry open my mind and soak in my thoughts
breathe them in
know everything there is to know
the sun is rising and it is turning the sea into fire
your image is fading
and i’m holding on to nothing but seashells
swimming frantically
gathering stars, sea stars,
trying to throw them back into the sky
where you have found your home
looking down with blue eyes and perfect wings
catching stars as they are carelessly thrown back to where they should be
in the sky with you my angel
i wish on every single one
and hope your dream-catcher steals away my nightmares
but after every star has found it’s place
you are still there
and i am here drowning in the flames

7-1-10

your words haunt my dreams
the river was made of stars and you dove head first in to the sky
comets were getting tangled in your hair making it shine
and you swam through the night clouds while i stood worried on the ground
scared about the lack of oxygen
but your lips stayed rosey
"you don't need air," you said," if you're already an angel."
and you flew
weaving in and out of the sparkling stars
hands reaching down
begging for me to join you
"can't you see that you're beautiful?" you cried, "can't you see that you've always been an angel to me?"
but my feet float a foot off the ground and already my lips lose colour
and my head loses consciousness
and i collapse
grass in between my toes
ladybugs whispering in my ears
telling me to fight it
fight it and never give up
"fly," they said, "open your eyes and let go."
"let go!" you cried
tear drops falling from above
landing on my face
and your fear for me turned into such a reality as each tear drop burned a hole in my body
"look up!" you screamed
my eyes squeezed shut until my head hurt
"don't fight," i tell myself, "don't fight this."
i can feel your fingers search my body for my heart
and you pump it full of life
thump
thump
thump
it beats only for you
your finger tips pry open my lonely eyes
and i'm swimming in the sky with you
"never let go," my heart tells you, "never leave me."
I can only speak through my heart
and i'm shaking
"i just want you to see that you're okay, that you're an angel already," you cry to me
my mind reflects my soul into the ocean
and you are perfect
and i am yours
and you are mine
and i am beautiful

ladybugs

5-31-10

I bandaged my wings in useless cocoons,
and attached sparrow feathers to my back,
in hopes they would last until dawn
so i could save you
I never meant to fall apart
Or tear you down with me
my bones are paper thin
and my eyes are made of glass beads;
my heart is a butterfly with weak wings
struggling to flutter so it can keep me alive
and each second it is slowing
with my hollow hands i carve plastic constellations
on my skin already covered in scars
to jump start my heart in hopes of gaining just a few more seconds of life
so i can spend them with you
sing me a song
a perfect symphony of spider webbed words pour from your lips
and somewhere,
deep down
behind my shallow breaths and tattered mind
i have a collection of memories hidden in glass jars
they are there
but you must fight through my ghosts to see them
one last breath will be taken into my flower petal lungs
and my body will explode into hundreds of colours
thousands of emotions
splattered over the galaxy
i will be a hurricane of butterflies

5-21-10

and maybe the stars are just fireflies
wings fluttering through every constellation that flows from your moonlit mouth
maybe they wait just for me
to light up the night
and fill my heart with hope
whispering wishes in-between scattered thoughts
the sky is silver as we sail through breaking each cloud with outstretched fingers
fireflies darting in every direction
maybe they only fall so they can land on your eyelids
kissing you goodnight
giving faint light to your dreams so they shine every colour of the sunset
exhale each breath softly
we are swirling in this broken galaxy
so full of beauty
fireflies spiraling around us
singing songs we thought only angels knew
we will paint only the most vivid reds and yellows on my eyes so when they close i am reminded of only you and your sunset dreams

5-18-10

delicate fingers play piano tunes on my ribs
each note sadder than the last
subtle tears stream from crystal eyes
and stars escape from your mouth with each fragile word that you speak
Fingers intertwine and love beats through our hearts
breathing synchronizes
constellations burst out of our veins
limbs tangle and faces change to the calmest of expressions
knowing we are safe with one another
safer than we have ever been
to love and be loved
flower petals blow in the wind
with the “he loves me,” and, “he loves me not’s” written on them
lighting strikes the lies
and beauty emits from the truths
nothing but glitter in my eyes
and my heart it dances for you

walk away

5-16-10

You used to cry rhinestones and bleed rubies.
That's how it used to be
Now you just cry tears and bleed blood
And you’re dying
words dance through the air and steal breath away from my lungs
I try hard not to speak or breathe.
For fear it will take away from your beauty
Silver wings outstretch from your back
spreading wide across the radiant sky
i hold my breath as you soar up into great heights
so much further than my imagination could ever see
take me with you
I want to whisper those words into your ears
But silence flows through my fingertips
Into my heart
The sun melts into your soul
And you flutter so far above me
Exhale
I tilt my head up and watch diamonds slide down your face
Memories dripping from your lips
Fingers are reaching out
You are plunging from the sky
Pearls and gold stream behind you
Illuminating everything
You encase me in your wings
Love travels through my body
This is what infinity must feel like

5-15-10

i hide my soul behind tattered wings
feathers falling from me
drifting to you
sunshine drips from yellow petals
your beauty is suffocating
your name tastes like ash on my tongue
like cigarette burns covering flesh
wounded mouths are unraveling all of the promises
these old ghosts are back
the questions you are longing to ask
only they can answer
and i don’t know how to make them speak
hands grasping for my shoulders
i am perfect
perfect imperfection
claws are ripping at what once was reality
now just memories that i can’t seem to forget
i am not good enough for you
my heart is fearful
And full of so many stories
stories i am scared to tell
worn into endless folds
creased paper
unspoken letters
phrases of love
words of desire
only passion
warmth
ask the ghosts
only they can tell you

untitled

5-10-10

i am weeping
ink stained words
falling
falling from the sky
look up, catch them on your tongue
turn yourself into the light my darling
you long for dawn to burn away my fears
yet here i am
in the pale hues of sunset
the finest shades of the night
your soft paper hands reach out
save me
tossing me into the golden tint of the morning
together we fly
weaving through the trees until night falls once again
stars are obscured by clouds
their voices muffled in the wind
and they cry
for they are not heard
darkness wraps around my feet
clawing up my legs
pulling me back
but i hear your voice
soft against my cheek
your sunflower heart
fluttering
sending echoes into my ears
fingertips find one another
trembling hands send morse code messages through our skin
to quivering eyelids longing for sleep
soft lips find each other
and in that moment
i knew we were infinite

5-8-10 2

he sat and listened quietly
listened to her gentle screams
Calm down
Breathe
Look up
Look up and see
There are always rose petals falling from the sky, he said
And her marble
brown eyes
looked up
Staring at the robin egg sky
she whispered
The sky is broken, ugly
But you, you shine
You are my kind of beautiful

5-8-10

her eyes tell you everything
you know she’s struggling
catch her
throw her into the scarlets
the amethysts
and the indigos
throw her into an undeniable slumber
hands
your hands caress the surface
ignoring the imperfections
she feels it – letters combining with one another
words flowing
one after the other
they are trying to escape
I love you
one sentence crawls all over her flesh
leaving little butterfly footprints on her eyelids
your fingers dance across her ribcage
and you’re reaching out
taking hold of her shaking hands
…breathe…
your ear pressed firmly against her chest
listening to her sporadic heart beat
it’s in there, somewhere
trapped in a bird cage
canaries pecking
pecking
eating away at it
leaving only passion behind
you have so much love, he whispered
thousands of words
begging to free themselves from behind her cherry lips
exhaling feathers, for you she said, only you

5-5-10

Our worlds become one
And we are bleeding
Dulled out colours
Faded sidewalk chalk
our minds are glowing
Iridescent, blues, and golds
We are beautiful
Your heart is aching
Cracking from the heat of liquid sunshine that flows through your veins
I won’t let you break
I will never let you break
I will wipe away your tears
And with them the uncertainly will fade
Close your sweet blue eyes
Envision the flowers blooming tomorrow
We will dance upon the petals
Turning our scars into our own heaven
We will get lost in the magic
Fade into the beauty
Our souls will laugh
And comfort what innocence we have left
The earth will once again claim us as its own
And we will melt into the dirt
tangled in a lovers bliss
and there we will forever be treasured
As the stars of the sea

4-23-10

I cannot carry tears in my eyes anymore, it is just my hands are shaking, and I can never get them to stop. My legs follow, and I wan to run, but I can not run far because I am afraid so afraid. I am leaping, and bounding over everything and I know there are meadows and forests just beyond my sight, if only I can make it that far. I am free of sound, alone, so alone. No rhythms, no regularity. All sound has gone except for the sky’s whispers, and the static that surrounds me. Years worth of memories flood my thoughts and flow through my blood. I need to be sewn back together once I let them out. Can you see me? Do you see me? Your eyes are closed, open them. Sadness is shaking you, further and further down you fall, but you have these eyes, use them, you could see me if only you opened them. I want to see you, I need to see you again. We will fall into meadows, laughing, and we will fly through the summer, but only for a moment. I don’t want to be slain by the memories, I don’t want to drown in the thunder. I will pretend you are here, my eyes now closed, reaching out, reaching. But I’m lying to myself, for when I open my eyes I am alone.

4-13-10

my voice is filled with the white noise of sadness, your eyes wander to the floor, unable to maintain eye contact, for fear that my emptiness will seep from my soul and creep into yours. and it seems the whole world is rising as i fall. this fear, fear of everything, yet of nothing at all eats away at me and i can't take it anymore. my stomach turns and turns and my eyes water, and everything hurts, my heart just hurts for no other reason than pain is all it has ever known. and the scars on my body burn as if they are fresh wounds. everything burns like the fires of hell have swallowed me. do you see the pain, do you see the fear? take it, breathe it in, for it is all i have ever been. help me escape, show me the way through the darkness...just show me the way, any way, take me anywhere and i will follow. take me away from the fires, the fires that i see all the time. i can't stop this burning in my eyes, and this burning under my skin never leaves. it's just fire, fire all the damn time.

5-7-10

Your voice sounds like the most beautiful sunrise
i imagine your eyes
they are so full of dreams
you will make it there
every breath you take is like a raindrop
falling
falling
falling in to the depths of the ocean only to be lost in the flood
I will catch them in a jar
I will keep you safe
I promise
I will paint my past on flower petals
And pick each one off and send them to you to piece back together so you can show me that it wasn’t always like this
And we’re running
So fast
To some far away land
To catch butterflies
So we can ask them what it is like to be happy
And they will tell us to never be afraid again
For we are stardust

Let Go

She's Out of Reach

4-29-10 2

my eyes are open
but everything is black
instead of closing them I just lie on top of my sheets pretending to count the angels I wish were in my room with me
instead there are only ghosts
i imagine that your arm is behind the curve of my neck
and your hand on my cheek
your fingers running through my hair
but now my eyes are closing
and everything is white.
i’m listening for my heart to beat
but my chest is hollow
I am hollow and caving in
I am painting your body with rich adjectives and love
my dreams are falling flat and leaving me without air
i have been spending my nights sketching your hands on my walls
and your eyes on my ceiling
but no matter what I do
i have yet to see the moon
i splattered paint over every surface that I could see
until the world bled rainbows
and we were able to dive in and out of the clashing hues
angels swam with us
envious of the beauty that emitted from us when our hands touched

4-29-10

you kneel under that simple starry sky
for hours you point out every constellation and tell me their hidden messages
our hearts are rusty and they bleed gold
flower petals dry and burn in the grass
they are our lonely minds
we must escape these hallucinations
through your strokes on the piano keys
your music recites the song of loved skin
we will escape through my brush strokes on canvas
only angels can paint reality
i think of you
you are the silence between the rise and fall of my chest as I breathe
you tell me that the sun will always set
the moon will always rise to remind me that there is always tomorrow
silence is deafening and it holds secrets
sewn into your worn out lips
everything happened so fast
someone turned out the light switch and I was gone
afterwards even the stars appeared dead as they darted from the winter sky
you would trace words on my back
words you couldn’t speak
little broken messages you feared to say out loud
if I could create a world full of dreams
full of beautiful strings of words
i would
just you and me
because we are the only ones who truly believe in magic

4-25-10

waiting, always waiting for that someone to let her know where she should go
and what she should do
she keeps quiet, eyes open for days at a time
she is always whispering words to the diamond spotted sky
and she can’t see through the scars
she can’t see that she is already perfect
all of her dreams have already come true
in the fear of the night
the darkness between words
the silence between heartbeats
she has found her own dream land
where words will never be wasted
thoughts will always be spoken
in between the stardust falling from her eyes
she is every kind of beautiful

4-22-10

i want to tell you that i've been sleeping less, less, less than ever before, yet i find myself dreaming so much more. i've been waking up cold, so cold I cant move, can’t breathe, only think until my heart burns. I’m wrapped up in not enough sleep, ignoring reality and only listening to my dreams, I can’t wait any longer for autumn paint the world, paint the leaves, and the sky, while I fade out into gray. and as i continue to fall for you, i have to remember that i'm nothing like those red autumn leaves that i constantly find myself waiting for--no, i'm not that beautiful.

4-20-10

how long until i feel different?
you are so kind but also lost
you are mind dear
and i am yours
always
sometime soon we will fly through the clouds
so calm
so beautiful
we will overflow with life
with electricity
and with love
we will be okay
all i see are paper cranes
paper cranes singing words of love
today is the day for change
the day we will fly away
the day we will ride a paper crane into the sunset and through the stars
and we will rest
and wake up to a world of possibility
do you see what i see?
do you feel what i feel?
love, the future is so bright
so full of hope
please don't let me slip by
don't let me slip through your fingers
take me to where you are
take me to rolling green hills with full moons an star-filled skies
take me through your mind and into your soul
let me wake you up
let me wake up your soul
you have let it sleep for far too long
i can inject wonder and joy
beauty and pain into it
i can give you life
hold on dear
we will make it through this
you were torn
so scared to speak
so scared to live
i will wake you up
wake you up so you can start again

the flowers

4-17-10

exhaling silent breaths like stardust
which scatter through the darkness as shimmering lights
constellations fall from your mouth
as you speak the language of the stars
you are built of swirling clouds and comets
your hollow bones filled with the sun
you are a continuously growing universe
and that sort of perfection is endless

4-4-10

I find myself slipping in and out of consciousness, out of reality.
They sky spoke, it said it missed me, our visits are much to far apart these days.
I touched a star, my hand is burned, bright red and blistered, but now anything I touch becomes beautiful.
I watched her jump, she told me she wanted to fly, and she turned to show me flimsy paper mache wings strapped to her back with bright red ribbon. She took a step, smiled, sighed, and was gone, feathers trailing for miles behind her as she soared through the clouds.
He took my hand and kissed my forehead, he said he felt my pain and wiped away the tears, when I should have been wiping away his.
My brain escaped, I watched it fall to the cement, it turned to a projector and I watched my memories play in the clouds. The sky wept for me.
He was pushed to the ground, they beat him, kicked him until he couldn't move, his face bled, a puddle forming beneath his head. Glitter flowed from his eyes, turning into the sea. The salt burned his wounds and the waves pulled him under, he was gone.
The wind blew her hair, her eyes watered, her soul escaped, she was free...


but no one is ever really free, are they?

Jaguar

Rest Now

Don't Tell Me Lies

Close Your Eyes, and I'll Miss You

And the sky was made of amethyst...

xanthous

Fall into the Sea

It's a Lonely Place to Be

Fairy Tale

That Night a Forest Grew

burning passion

vault of heaven