some sort of beautiful

bumble.bee

8-5-10

it’s your hands that i’m taking,
and we are caught in the moment
when paper lanterns burn anew and light up the night sky
and our hands are origami cranes reaching for the stars
begging to fly like those before us
and we have dream-catchers hanging delicately from our eyelashes
swaying in the breeze
momentarily resting on our shoulders
before we dive into the salty ocean
swimming until our lungs burst and flood the sea with stars
and our passion is burning
burning
fingers are gently searching for one another painting the sea with love
and they are looking for home
pry open my mind and soak in my thoughts
breathe them in
know everything there is to know
the sun is rising and it is turning the sea into fire
your image is fading
and i’m holding on to nothing but seashells
swimming frantically
gathering stars, sea stars,
trying to throw them back into the sky
where you have found your home
looking down with blue eyes and perfect wings
catching stars as they are carelessly thrown back to where they should be
in the sky with you my angel
i wish on every single one
and hope your dream-catcher steals away my nightmares
but after every star has found it’s place
you are still there
and i am here drowning in the flames

7-1-10

your words haunt my dreams
the river was made of stars and you dove head first in to the sky
comets were getting tangled in your hair making it shine
and you swam through the night clouds while i stood worried on the ground
scared about the lack of oxygen
but your lips stayed rosey
"you don't need air," you said," if you're already an angel."
and you flew
weaving in and out of the sparkling stars
hands reaching down
begging for me to join you
"can't you see that you're beautiful?" you cried, "can't you see that you've always been an angel to me?"
but my feet float a foot off the ground and already my lips lose colour
and my head loses consciousness
and i collapse
grass in between my toes
ladybugs whispering in my ears
telling me to fight it
fight it and never give up
"fly," they said, "open your eyes and let go."
"let go!" you cried
tear drops falling from above
landing on my face
and your fear for me turned into such a reality as each tear drop burned a hole in my body
"look up!" you screamed
my eyes squeezed shut until my head hurt
"don't fight," i tell myself, "don't fight this."
i can feel your fingers search my body for my heart
and you pump it full of life
thump
thump
thump
it beats only for you
your finger tips pry open my lonely eyes
and i'm swimming in the sky with you
"never let go," my heart tells you, "never leave me."
I can only speak through my heart
and i'm shaking
"i just want you to see that you're okay, that you're an angel already," you cry to me
my mind reflects my soul into the ocean
and you are perfect
and i am yours
and you are mine
and i am beautiful

ladybugs

5-31-10

I bandaged my wings in useless cocoons,
and attached sparrow feathers to my back,
in hopes they would last until dawn
so i could save you
I never meant to fall apart
Or tear you down with me
my bones are paper thin
and my eyes are made of glass beads;
my heart is a butterfly with weak wings
struggling to flutter so it can keep me alive
and each second it is slowing
with my hollow hands i carve plastic constellations
on my skin already covered in scars
to jump start my heart in hopes of gaining just a few more seconds of life
so i can spend them with you
sing me a song
a perfect symphony of spider webbed words pour from your lips
and somewhere,
deep down
behind my shallow breaths and tattered mind
i have a collection of memories hidden in glass jars
they are there
but you must fight through my ghosts to see them
one last breath will be taken into my flower petal lungs
and my body will explode into hundreds of colours
thousands of emotions
splattered over the galaxy
i will be a hurricane of butterflies

5-21-10

and maybe the stars are just fireflies
wings fluttering through every constellation that flows from your moonlit mouth
maybe they wait just for me
to light up the night
and fill my heart with hope
whispering wishes in-between scattered thoughts
the sky is silver as we sail through breaking each cloud with outstretched fingers
fireflies darting in every direction
maybe they only fall so they can land on your eyelids
kissing you goodnight
giving faint light to your dreams so they shine every colour of the sunset
exhale each breath softly
we are swirling in this broken galaxy
so full of beauty
fireflies spiraling around us
singing songs we thought only angels knew
we will paint only the most vivid reds and yellows on my eyes so when they close i am reminded of only you and your sunset dreams

5-18-10

delicate fingers play piano tunes on my ribs
each note sadder than the last
subtle tears stream from crystal eyes
and stars escape from your mouth with each fragile word that you speak
Fingers intertwine and love beats through our hearts
breathing synchronizes
constellations burst out of our veins
limbs tangle and faces change to the calmest of expressions
knowing we are safe with one another
safer than we have ever been
to love and be loved
flower petals blow in the wind
with the “he loves me,” and, “he loves me not’s” written on them
lighting strikes the lies
and beauty emits from the truths
nothing but glitter in my eyes
and my heart it dances for you

walk away

5-16-10

You used to cry rhinestones and bleed rubies.
That's how it used to be
Now you just cry tears and bleed blood
And you’re dying
words dance through the air and steal breath away from my lungs
I try hard not to speak or breathe.
For fear it will take away from your beauty
Silver wings outstretch from your back
spreading wide across the radiant sky
i hold my breath as you soar up into great heights
so much further than my imagination could ever see
take me with you
I want to whisper those words into your ears
But silence flows through my fingertips
Into my heart
The sun melts into your soul
And you flutter so far above me
Exhale
I tilt my head up and watch diamonds slide down your face
Memories dripping from your lips
Fingers are reaching out
You are plunging from the sky
Pearls and gold stream behind you
Illuminating everything
You encase me in your wings
Love travels through my body
This is what infinity must feel like

5-15-10

i hide my soul behind tattered wings
feathers falling from me
drifting to you
sunshine drips from yellow petals
your beauty is suffocating
your name tastes like ash on my tongue
like cigarette burns covering flesh
wounded mouths are unraveling all of the promises
these old ghosts are back
the questions you are longing to ask
only they can answer
and i don’t know how to make them speak
hands grasping for my shoulders
i am perfect
perfect imperfection
claws are ripping at what once was reality
now just memories that i can’t seem to forget
i am not good enough for you
my heart is fearful
And full of so many stories
stories i am scared to tell
worn into endless folds
creased paper
unspoken letters
phrases of love
words of desire
only passion
warmth
ask the ghosts
only they can tell you